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Morning grouch struggles with perky mom



Dear Amy: I am the only “NOT-Morning” person in my family.

Talking in the morning, or any noise, smell, or stimulation really, isn’t just annoying but actually more akin to painful. It’s like nails on a chalkboard, or being pinched — it elicits an involuntary reaction of cringe and a desire to retreat.

My mother takes this really personally.

First thing in the morning she wants to tell me things, or worse — ask me things. At best, I can muster a “Good morning” and a grunt, but I don’t think she’s ever understood just how much restraint is required for anything other than a snarl.

She’s repeatedly accused me of being rude or mad at her, and the simple truth is that it’s not her — I just don’t want to talk in the morning, at all, to anybody.

I have been explaining this for years, and to be honest I actually feel SHE’S being rude for not respecting this simple boundary.

It starts both our days off wrong, to the extent that I just stay in my room until she’s out of the house, no matter how much I need the bathroom, food or water. I’m lucky enough to not need to commute at the same time as her, so it slightly disrupts my day to get a late start, but logistically it’s manageable.

Emotionally, this is creating resentment.

I feel unheard and disrespected.

The message of “it’s not you, it’s me” is not getting through — at all.

I just don’t know what to do anymore! What do you recommend?



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